Daisy Bateman

The Closing Ceremony

The return of the Flaming Rollerbladers! Whew. For a minute there I thought things were going to get classy.It is only through great force of will that I am not making fun of the outfits worn by the Italian military band, because that would be Culturally Insensitive.Aah! Clowns with band instruments! Playing YMCA! How did … Read more


This was supposed to be the men’s 50k cross-country race, but instead I get two hours of rehashed commentary, 1.5 hours of which is devoted to figure skating. What a rip-off. Update: Okay, never mind. They’re showing it now.

The Deal

There’s a deal we viewers have with the Olympic athletes. Once every four years we will lavish them with attention, admiration and endorsement deals for doing things we could otherwise care less about. But in exchange they have to represent us, wear our flags so we can associate ourselves with them, and put in all … Read more

The Other Events

This is why I Tivo everything. Because yeah, the ice skating is pretty and downhill skiing is flashy, but this is why I watch the other stuff. Today I was completely thrilled by biathalon, of all things, which has got to be the only sport that understands the mechanics of suspense. I skipped the hockey, … Read more


Not that I have ever been on top of a mountain in a driving snowstorm, but if I was, I don’t think my first inclination would be to ski down it as fast as possible. This may be why I am not an Olympic athlete. One reason, anyway. Of many.

Women’s 30k X-country

An insanely long race. At the end, the racers all collapse like a scattering of corpses in the snow and you wonder if they’re ever going to get up again. Then the winner’s daughter, who must have been about four, ran out and grabbed on to her mother, who was fortunately able to get up … Read more

Ice Skating Commentary (delayed)

“Everyone else skates ‘Romeo and Juliet’, she is Juliet.” So, she’s young and stupid and dies in the end? (I’m not sure about that, but she was done as soon as she two-buttcheeked that landing.) I’m sure she is an absolutely charming person, but the Japanese skater looks like any minute she is going to … Read more