Author of MURDER GOES TO MARKET
1. those who would look at a bowl of stale doughnuts and think nothing, 2. those who dream of throwing them and 3. those who would actually do it. (Source: A Czech humorist, name unknown because it didn’t come up on the first couple of pages of Google hits.) I think I’m the second kind … Read more
Good Idea*: The fanciest bottle of wine at the supermarket you can afford. At this point, you’re making up for a lack of thoughtfulness with expense. *Unless the intended recipient is a small child or recovering alcoholic. Or current alcoholic, for that matter. That’s just mean. In these cases, admit defeat and give cash. Bad … Read more
Good Idea: A paring knife. Of course, the person you are shopping for already has a paring knife. Or, at least, he or she is sure there is one around here somewhere, only people keep taking it to open packages or unscrew the back of the dvd player, because who knows where the screwdriver went, … Read more
But you know what is? Being able to see out of both eyes.
Good Idea: Nerf Weaponry You might think the guy you are buying a gift for is too mature for this kind of thing. You are wrong. Bad Idea: Cologne. Most guys do not want to wear cologne. Those who do have one particular kind that they have been applying the exactly the same amount of … Read more
It was a really great time, right up until the bananas hit me in the head. Followed, of course, by the tangerines. At least I got one of those. Perhaps I should start at the beginning. The beginning is a text message, received by me last Wednesday afternoon, asking if I wanted to go to … Read more
Good Idea: Chocolate Actually a good idea, regardless of gender. Unless they’re allergic, then not so much. Also, avoid the fruit-flavored filling, unless you know otherwise. Bad Idea: Candles. Nobody needs candles. It’s the gift that says, “Here. I got you a gift.”
I have a bone to pick with the song “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” by Band-Aid (which, if you will recall, was one of those collections of famous singers who cut charity singles for Africa, back when it was a place you sent money to, rather than where you went baby shopping), and I feel … Read more