Carrie Underwood, singer, American Idol winner, and famous belcher has a new hit song, Last Name. And since in the past I have made fun of her music, I thought I ought to make a serious consideration of the lyrics of this one, in order to offer it the respect that it deserves.
It’s a catchy little number, I can’t deny it, and one that tells a compelling tale of love and desperation. But I am particularly interested the part at the end of the song where (spoiler alert!) she declares that she “don’t even know my last name.” Now, I’m as much a fan of the impulsive-marriage-in-Vegas-story-song as the next person, but I have to wonder about this line. Is she implying that somewhere in her drunken haze she not only wed a stranger, but also filed a verified petition with the clerk of the district court, waited ten days while the petition was was published and no objections were raised, and then for the clerk to transmit a certified copy of the order to the state registrar of vital statistics, as specified by Nevada state law? Or perhaps that her inebriation was so complete that she has forgotten her own name, and she can’t check her credit cards or driver’s license because she gave them as a tip to a cocktail waitress around four am? Or is she just an idiot who thinks your name automatically changes when you get married? (Nah, gotta be one of the first two. Nobody’s that dense.)