Daisy Bateman

To Live Endive by the Bay

Spotted on the side of a truck for a produce company on my way into work: “Lettuce Romaine in Your Heart” This is exactly the sort of depravity you can expect with an unarugulated advertising industry. If we ever get around to cleaning things up, they’re going to be sorrel.

Project Hairway 2

Project Runway is back, for its last season before the Lifetime crapocalypse! In honor of the event, I am returning with my tradition of judging the contestants by their hair:KellieBeehive, tattoos, black clothes– it’s kind of like if Amy Winehouse discovered deep conditioning and sandwiches. Joe“Hey, did you know there are guys who are, get … Read more

Redwood City Crime Wave!

From my work email inbox this morning: “There have been reports that thieves have recently been stealing the catalytic converters of certain vehicles, especially Toyota pickup trucks and SUVs, in the Redwood City area. These thieves go under a target vehicle and quickly remove the converter with special tools. At least two such thefts have … Read more

Nodule Update

I got a call from the endocrinologist this afternoon, confirm that, unlike the rest of me, the thyroid nodule is entirely benign. Which means that I will be living with a surprisingly large lump in my neck for the foreseeable future, but I can deal with that, because it also means that I will be … Read more

Oh. My God. Shoes.

Dear Federal Government, Thank you very much for the lovely economic stimulus check. As it happens, I’ve been having a fairly stressful week, and your letter was just what I needed to make it better. Particularly since the someone mentioned to me yesterday that Barney’s (the intimidatingly fancy department store, not the burger place with … Read more

Lump in My Throat

I have made it thus far in my life without ever considering my thyroid gland. It’s not that I was uncaring towards it, I just figured it would do its job, whatever that is, and I would do mine and we would do just fine. So when I was at the doctor’s the a couple … Read more