Lately, in what appears to be an unanticipated side-effect of watching way too much Olympics, I have been having a small problem with the random appearance of gymnast butts. Not that they’re stalking me or something; I don’t go through the day fearful that any moment a spandex-clad and unnervingly firm hind end will jump out at me from behind a cubicle. It’s more like, you know when you played too much Tetris and every time you closed your eyes, you could still see the pieces falling? It’s like that, only rounder.
I guess it could be worse. I could be haunted by the oddly (one might even say suspiciously) broad and manly shoulders on these little girls, or the deranged-stewardess smiles they paste on for the events, because it’s not athletic if you’re not smiling*.
But what I really want to know is, why doesn’t this work with swimmer abs?
*Female athletes only.
Why not with swimmers’ abs? Maybe something to do with rods and cones?
Three nights ago, my wife asked me, “Have you noticed that there don’t seem to be any flat-chested women any more?”
Other men would not dare answer this question without a plane ticket and up-to-date passport, but I’m lucky that way. I said, “There aren’t even any flat-chested gymnasts any more. I blame the ground beef.”
I’m sorry; what was the question?