I have found the plot of your next TV movie.
I’m thinking Josh Duhamel and Jamie Pressly as the maverick scientist and hot park ranger, respectively, and Ray Wise for the evil government flunky. With David Arquette on comic relief and Coolio playing some kind of military guy, of course. And, playing the snake, some really cheap CGI.
Actual quote from the article which would make a good line in the movie: “We’ve taken the snake and turned it into a giant thermometer.”