Are they sneakers? Are they wedges? Is there any point to having laces that untie but do not actually functionally lace anything? Do they look kind of like nurse shoes? Do nurses even wear shoes like that any more? Why did nurses have special shoes to begin with? Was it a job requirement? How many professions have specific shoes? What would biologist shoes look like, if they existed? Is it really that important to wear closed-toe shoes in the lab when you don’t work with anything much more dangerous than distilled water? How much trouble would I get into if I showed up in sandals? What on earth was that summer intern thinking when she came to work in platform flip-flops? Had she ever even seen a lab before? What is it with kids these days, anyway? Do you remember when MTV played videos? Do you remember when it was actually new and current to complain that MTV didn’t play videos anymore? Do people even still make music videos? Why? Are any of them as good as this one? Can you not watch that now without thinking of this? What do you think she did after that random guy she had only met once in a comic book showed up in her apartment? Did she let him move in with her? Could he get a job with no way of proving he had ever existed in this plane? Did he go over to the comic artist’s house and bug him about why he drew the mean guys with the wrenches? Have you seen Axe Cop? Do you remember how that sort of thing made perfect sense to you when you were five? How is it that it’s so easy now to tie shoelaces, when it used to be so hard? Are pointless shoelaces, in fact, the ultimate luxury of adulthood? Or would that be rangpur lime jello shooters*?
*May substitute key lime juice if you don’t have rangpur lime juice.**
**Who has rangpur lime juice?