Have you ever asked yourself, “I would like to find some examples of paranoid schizophrenia, but I just don’t know where to look.”? Yes? Well then, I suggest you try the “Contact Us” form on the Pentagon’s website. Also handy if you need examples of a basic lack of understanding of physics!
Although, the bear thing would totally work. The trick is to figure out how to get them to call you when they find him.