Daisy Bateman

Joke You Will Not Get Unless You Watch American Idol and Idolatry* As Obsessively As I Do

“And, you know, the thing about a Tim Urban… he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be living… until he sings at ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’.”

*Small amount of context in part 2 here.

(Note: Please do not take this as me implying that the only way to get Tim off of Idol is to stick a tank of compressed air into his mouth and shoot it with a rifle, while swearing. That would be irresponsible, and in violation of FCC regulations. Also, he seems like a nice enough kid, aside from the singing thing.)

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