I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but I got an iPad* for my birthday. (I did? Well, you might have forgotten.) And the first thing I did, after holding it up over my head and dancing around with it like Clara at the beginning of The Nutcracker, was to install the Books app and get to downloading.
Because I am cheap, one of the first things I did was to check out what was available for free, because who doesn’t like things that are free? And, along with some surprise bonus Agatha Christies and obvious essentials like Sherlock Holmes and Winnie the Pooh, I came across the book that may change my life forever.
By Robert Carlton Brown, The Complete Book of Cheese really is just that. Written in 1955, it covers every aspect of the world of cheeses, from culture** to history to tasting notes on the complete range of products, domestic and international, to recipes. For it to be any more complete, we’d have to invent new kinds of cheese.
Obviously, this is going to be a great reference for this blog, especially when my cheese-of-the-month-club shipments start arriving.*** And I will get to the meat of the book later, but as an introduction I would like to share a few highlights of cheese poetry, of which there seems to be a surprising amount.
From our neighbors to the north, a poem written in honor of a four-ton cheese presented at a fair in 1885. Clearly, they were proud:
We have thee, mammoth cheese,
Lying quietly at your ease;
Gently fanned by evening breeze,
Thy fair form no flies dare seize.
All gaily dressed soon you’ll go
To the greatest provincial show,
To be admired by many a beau
In the city of Toronto
Which is not to say that the good old US of A has not contributed to the grand tradition of cheese poetry. Here, the “Epico-Lyrico Ballad” The Mammoth Cheese, written in honor of the “The Ultra-Democratic, Anti-Federalist Cheese of Cheshire,” presented to President Jefferson in 1801:
From meadows rich with clover red,
A thousand heifers come;
The tinkling bells the tidings spread,
The milkmaid muffles up her head,
And wakes the village hum.
In shining pans the snowy flood
Through whitened canvas pours;
The dying pots of otter good
And rennet tinged with madder blood
Are sought among their stores.
It goes on like that for about four pages, and at some point I think it even gets around to mentioning the cheese.
The Europeans have also taken to the field of cheese poetry, of course, and from them Brown offers this example, by Thomas Braun and translated by Jethro Bithell from some unspecified language:
God of the country, bless today
For which we give Thee thanks on
Let them be fat or light, with
Shallots, brine, pepper, honey;
Of sheep or fields is in them, in
Let them, good Lord, at dawn be beaten hard.
Conclusions: E-books are cool, Europeans are weird.
*Shopping post on iPad cases to follow shortly.