Palate Cleanser

While I prepare another round of sartorial horrors for your viewing pleasure, let’s all look at this and remind ourselves that yes, there still are beautiful things in the world: Miu Miu Buckle Strap Sandal There. I feel better already.

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You can’t say I didn’t try. I gave it two rounds of soaking in the recommended dechlorinated ice water, a paper bag over it to keep it damp and its very own plate to stand on and hardly bothered it at all, no matter how much I wanted to know if it was working. But, … Read more

When Watermelons Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Watermelons

NEWSBREAK:  Exploding watermelons terrorize Chinese countryside* Police departments nationwide have been put on high alert for produce trucks entering population centers and gardeners are encouraged to register existing melon patches with Homeland Security. Should you happen to see any unattended fruit, do not approach it; retreat to a safe distance and contact the authorities immediately.*Some … Read more

Not Dead Yet

It’s been a rough spring here in Patioland. Aside from the unseasonable cold and wet weather, to which we Californians have been responding with our usual sangfroid*, there is the very real possibility that I made a mistake by reusing the soil from last year’s herbs, which may be infested with Herb Funk or something. … Read more