Daisy Bateman

Ugly Clothes For Rich People, Part I

Everyone knows that it’s better to be rich. It’s the money, mostly, plus never having to worry about being any good at your job or what you’re going to do if the car doesn’t stop making that noise. But it isn’t all champagne on the patio and summers in St. Moritz. No, there are hazards to being a rich person, and one is to run the risk of looking very stupid.

You see, rich people go to designers for their clothes, because that’s how other rich people can spot them at a distance, and the designers both love and hate them. They love them because the rich are the source of all their money that doesn’t come from perfume-licensing deals, and because they let them swan around and act like artists for having produced a pair of pants. But they hate them because designers must spend a significant portion of their working lives living on off-brand ramen and discount vodka, and they have some built-up resentment to work through.

And so sometimes, in the dark of night, they come up with fantastically hideous, stupid clothes that they can sell to those rich people who have never known what it’s like to live in a converted closet in an eighth-floor walkup with seven roommates, at least three of whom are sleeping together and/or fighting with each other at any given time, so that, as they count the money from the sale, they think of those wealthy losers walking down the street in their creations and ever-so-softly giggle.

These are some of those clothes.*

Tao Comme des Garcons top, $419

When I have a cold, the floor next to my bed looks just like this.

Maison Martin Margiela vest, $1,190

Fifty bucks says the “design process” for this item was the designer strapping a car seat-cover to his chest and high-fiving an assistant.

Viktor & Rolf dress, $787.50

Just because you don’t know how to make a shirt, it doesn’t mean you get to sell it as a dress.

Alexander Wang knit and denim jacket, $750

My favorite thing about this is how the model is clearly wondering how her life got to this point.

DSquared2 jacket, $769

Or you could just carry a purse.

*As a matter of fact, I found so many examples that I couldn’t fit them all into one post. So look for more of these over the next few weeks, unless I get lazy and forget.**
**It could happen.

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