Daisy Bateman

You Paid What?: Kitchenwares Edition

Fashion is all well and good, but there are plenty of other ways you can waste your money. Such as by buying a selection of nearly-useless kitchen implements. Most of these are not that expensive in absolute terms, but they still cost far more than they are worth, which is nothing, minus the cost of the space lost in your kitchen.

Jar Scraper

Who buys jam that’s so expensive that it’s worth the ten dollars for a special scraper to get the last bit out? Just buy another jar of jam already.

Mini Pie Lifter

There are first-world problems, and then there is not being able to lift your mini-pies out of your mini-pie pan without damaging their crusts.

Toaster Pastry Press

We have reached the point of spending time and money to make fancy, imitation versions of cheap convenience foods. We are so far down the rabbit hole that even the rabbit is like, that’s really overdoing it.

Cupcake Corer


Asparagus Pot

If you cook enough asparagus to need this item, then I do not want to ever get anywhere near your bathroom.

Waffle Tongs
Meatball Tongs

Because God Forbid you ever pick up any item of food without having the appropriate tongs. I knew someone who knew a girl whose cousin tried to pick up a meatball with her waffle tongs, and her hand fell off. True story.

Bread Cutting Board

I could actually use something like this, because we get a lot of crusty bread and the crumbs get all over the counter. But for two hundred dollars, I think I’ll just stick with a damp sponge.

Avocado Cuber
Watermelon Knife
Banana Slicer

There are things that are difficult, like learning Finnish and remembering birthdays. And there are things that are not difficult, like humming and falling down. And then there is slicing bananas.

Here’s a handy rule of thumb: If a thing was consumed for several millennia before anyone developed a special tool for cutting it, then you do not need a special tool for cutting it.

Tomato Press

Do you have a restaurant specializing in Italian food? Are you running a commercial canning business out of your kitchen? No? Then you do not need to spend eighty dollars on a thing to get the juice out of tomatoes.

Electric Ebelskiver Maker

Who are you people?

3 thoughts on “You Paid What?: Kitchenwares Edition”

  1. > special scraper to get the last bit
    > out? Just buy another jar of jam
    > already.

    Better solution: half fill the jar with milk, put the cap back and shake into you have a jam flavored milkshake. Just don't put it back in the fridge at that point and forget it for 6 months…


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