Daisy Bateman

Stupid Kitchen Implements Part 2

Handy lesson from last weekend: Sur la Table is a very entertaining store, but they have slightly too many employees on their floor to be able to comfortably point at things and declare “What kind of idiot would buy THAT?” while laughing.

Fortunately, they have a website.

Tuna Drainer, $3.95

How to drain canned tuna:

1. With a can opener, open lid almost all the way around.
2. Use your fingers to hold lid against tuna as you drain the liquid into the sink.
3. Lift lid and remove tuna.
4. Do not spend actual money on yet another pointless piece of plastic to perform a trivial task, you !^$*%#&%% moron.

Chili Pepper rack, $19.95
Asparagus clips, $14.95

Did it ever occur to you that there might be some items that are not meant to be cooked on a grill?

And the winner, for the overall title of Stupidest Thing Found at Sur la Table:

Pizza Cone kit, $24.95

Who wants this? Who, in the entire fullness of space and time has ever said, “Hey, pizza is great, but I really wish it came in a cone.”? Or thinks the issue with pizza is that you simply can not use it to cram enough calories into your body at a time? Wouldn’t it be more efficient to inject the fat directly under your skin? Is there any way this is not going to be a soggy, drippy mess in under thirty seconds? So many questions, so little inclination to care.

Plus, don’t forget your pizza cone stand liners! (Sold separately.)

4 thoughts on “Stupid Kitchen Implements Part 2”

  1. I don't understand how the pizza cone things differ from the stands / greaseproof paper you might use to serve fries belgian-style, which I'm far more likely to do than make pizza cones. If I do that, though, I'll just pick up a few of the stands at a restaurant supply place.

  2. From what I can tell, it's not just the stands, it's the whole kit for creating your pizza in cone form. Though I guess you could just roll up a regular slice and get about the same effect.

  3. With respect to the Tuna Press, I think you're unjustly condemning it as a uni-tasker. Yes, it's tuna-themed, with its adorable fish handles and even fish-shaped drainage holes. However, the packaging clearly states that it "drains liquids from canned foods." It could be used to help you with, say, anything in the bean family, corn, peas–your imagination is the limit.

    BTW, if your imagination needs a boost, http://www.oddee.com/item_96711.aspx presents a great array of weird canned foods.


Leave a Comment