Daisy Bateman

The Eh Files

Some questions:
At what point in your criminal career does it seem like a good idea to steal maple syrup? 
Are there specialists in this?
Will one of them appear in Ocean’s 18.3.1, played by Dana Carvey?
How do you fence it?
“Hey, so I know a guy who knows a guy who can hook us up with some of the good stuff, man. I’m talking like, primo Montreal grade A amber, you got me? This stuff is sweet.”
Should law enforcement be taking a close look at this group?
Or how about these hardened criminals?
“Strategic maple syrup reserves?”
What kind of strategy involves maple syrup?
Should Buffalo be worried? 

Bonus conspiracy theory:
I recently learned that FEMA maintains a “Waffle House Index” as a way of judging the severity of a storm’s effects on an area by what they’re serving, based on that chain’s top-notch disaster-response strategy. (“If you get there and the Waffle House is closed?” FEMA Administrator Craig Fugate has said. “That’s really bad. That’s where you go to work.”) But I ask you, what does a company known for getting back on track no matter what the circumstances do when their supply chain is disrupted? Might a stockpile of unattended syrup be too tempting a target? What’s a little light larceny when compared with the needs of a desperate, waffle-loving public?

3 thoughts on “The Eh Files”

  1. 1) I'm not sure there's maple in the syrupy substance they serve at Waffle House.
    2) Is there a chance that PETA was involved? They have a campaign urging consumers to boycott Canadian maple syrup to stop Canada's annual war on seals.


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