Do you want the satisfaction of tending your own garden plot, but are afraid you might not be able to spend sufficiently ridiculous amounts of money and/or look stupid enough while doing it? Well, fear not! Capitalism has you covered.
For starters, you’re going to need some tools.
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Shime Garden Tools, $1250 |
You provide the sticks. (Seriously.) The primary downside of purchasing this set is that, if you do, a farmer from the 1860s will appear on your doorstep and punch you in the face.
Or, if that seems like too much of a commitment, you could always start by just buying a shovel:
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Orion long handled spade, $258 |
Solid copper, so your plants won’t get arthritis.
And what if you like the look of old garden tools but would rather sit on them than use them?
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Antique garden tool chair, $4100 |
Free tetanus shot with purchase!
Or maybe you have moved to a “transitional” neighborhood that is still in the part of the transition where people pile industrial scrap in their yards, and you want to fit in, but not too much:
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Bozeman furnace, $2100 |
Steampunt.
Once you’ve settled in, you’ll want to invite some friends over, maybe play some bocce:
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Bocce ball set, $298 |
You’ll need a tub for drinks:
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Vintage grape crate, $398 |
Somewhere for people to sit:
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“Weathered” regency chair, $1800 |
And some sort of pointless little garden cupboard:
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Driftwood Cabinet, $2400 |
There ain’t no party like a pointless little cupboard party.
But really, when you come down to it, the garden is your space, to grow flowers and food and maybe even raise some chickens in a ludicrously expensive coop that looks like the abandoned craft project of a drunk four-year-old:
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Chicken coop, $3000 |
(You know you’re doing something wrong when you’re making Williams-Sonoma’s offerings look sane and reasonable by comparison.)
If I buy a ridiculously expensive chicken coop, it's going to be the solar-powered kind that moves a few feet every hour so the chickens get a free-range experience and your whole yard gets weeded/debugged.
I'm just going to leave this here:
http://www.jpeterman.com/Containers-and-Buckets/Copper-Watering-Can
I think you know what to do.
Lisa– Flames! Flames on the side of my face!
Karen– I still think my Roomba-coop idea has promise.