Daisy Bateman

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Flying Shark Attacks Golf Course

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Oh sure, the so-called authorities will claim it was dropped by a bird, but I think we all know the truth: At this moment, thousands of vicious, many-toothed man-eaters are preparing themselves for an aerial assault on our nations golfers, and there is a very real chance that we may not be there to watch. … Read more

Counterfeit Nazi Space Buddha!

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Is there nothing left to believe in? The bad news: A statue of Buddha, alleged to have carved out of a meteorite in the 11th century and looted from Tibet by a Nazi expedition in the thirties is a 20th century counterfeit, was probably never looted by anyone. The good news: The meteorite part is … Read more

The Great Maple Syrup Heist: The Plot Thickens

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We now interrupt your normal lack of programming to bring you exciting developments in the ongoing saga of the Great Maple Syrup heist: Canadian police report that they have potentially tracked some of the contraband to a syrup dealer in New Brunswick. The suspect sap has been confiscated for further study and it’s source is … Read more

Look! Up In the Sky!

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A little excitement at work this morning, as it turned out our building was directly on the path the Endeavor flyby. Naturally, everyone in the office park came out to watch: (Not pictured: A whole bunch more people, including a group on the roof.) We waited, and looked at the sky, and waited some more, … Read more

Three Things You Probably Already Heard About

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But better safe than sorry: On the one hand, this seems like an excellent idea. On the other hand, having people dressed in full-body-suits grab children in dark movie theaters seems like it might have the potential to go wrong in some way. Final, irrefutable proof that having a child makes you insane. Sometimes, completely … Read more

The Eh Files

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Quebec Police Investigate Massive Maple Syrup Theft Some questions: At what point in your criminal career does it seem like a good idea to steal maple syrup?  Are there specialists in this? Will one of them appear in Ocean’s 18.3.1, played by Dana Carvey? How do you fence it? “Hey, so I know a guy … Read more

A Hundred Acres of Shadows

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(Inspired by a true story. Loosely. With thanks to @bmahersciwriter and Captain Morgan.) The bear lowered his rotund form into the chair and contemplated his guests.“Well, gentlemen, I think you know why I’ve brought you here.”As they protested their ignorance, he slid a stoneware jar across the table and pointed to the label.“Do you know … Read more

Department of Story Ideas: The Meat-Eaters

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The Inspiration:A conversation over lunch during which someone mentioned ongoing efforts to create lab-grown meat. Apparently, it needs to be kept moving by the application of electrical shocks in order to develop properly. You see where I am going with this. The Story:As above, with some minor variations. Rather than using muscle cells directly from … Read more