Daisy Bateman

The Deal

There’s a deal we viewers have with the Olympic athletes. Once every four years we will lavish them with attention, admiration and endorsement deals for doing things we could otherwise care less about. But in exchange they have to represent us, wear our flags so we can associate ourselves with them, and put in all … Read more

The Other Events

This is why I Tivo everything. Because yeah, the ice skating is pretty and downhill skiing is flashy, but this is why I watch the other stuff. Today I was completely thrilled by biathalon, of all things, which has got to be the only sport that understands the mechanics of suspense. I skipped the hockey, … Read more


Not that I have ever been on top of a mountain in a driving snowstorm, but if I was, I don’t think my first inclination would be to ski down it as fast as possible. This may be why I am not an Olympic athlete. One reason, anyway. Of many.

Women’s 30k X-country

An insanely long race. At the end, the racers all collapse like a scattering of corpses in the snow and you wonder if they’re ever going to get up again. Then the winner’s daughter, who must have been about four, ran out and grabbed on to her mother, who was fortunately able to get up … Read more

Ice Skating Commentary (delayed)

“Everyone else skates ‘Romeo and Juliet’, she is Juliet.” So, she’s young and stupid and dies in the end? (I’m not sure about that, but she was done as soon as she two-buttcheeked that landing.) I’m sure she is an absolutely charming person, but the Japanese skater looks like any minute she is going to … Read more

What? Like you believed me

I’m calling it- the top six guys for this year’s American Idol:AceWillTaylorElliotKevinChris Prettiest names of Olympic venues:San SicarioPragelato PlanPalovelaCesana PariolSetriere ColleSauze D’Oulx Third list of things so this post feels complete:The Straits of GilbatrarTulipsA Silver Spangled Hamburg Large Fowl HenGwen StefaniCreme BruleeAce

The Big Night

This is probably the biggest day of this Olympics so far; possibly of all. There’s the start of the ladies’ figure skating competition- ‘the marquee event of the games’, according to about thirty commentators, replete with possibilities for underdeveloped teenaged girls to fall on their butts. Then there’s the men’s 1500 speed skating race, ridiculously … Read more

Ice Dancing Costume Analysis

French team: Apparently, they came directly from defending the French Embassy in Iran. You do think they would have stopped for a change of clothes, though. Or at least to change the bandages on her head wound. American team 1: It takes a guy who is really confident in his masculinity to wear a see-through … Read more