Things that disgust me, in ascending order: 1. People brushing their teeth in the work bathroom.2. People flossing in the work bathroom.3. The spatter of toothpaste and crud on the mirror that persists for the rest of the day due to people brushing and flossing in the work bathroom. It’s not that I want your … Read more
Dear Daisy Jimenez of 8310 Dahlia Ave, Tampa FL 33619-7434, I know it isn’t a lot of fun getting emails you don’t want in your inbox. I particularly know this, Daisy Jimenez of 8310 Dahlia Ave, Tampa FL 33619-7434, because I am actually getting all the emails you don’t want in your inbox, in my … Read more
You thought I was exaggerating about my cubicle neighbor‘s insanely sycophantic conversation style? Well, I have here a transcript of the majority of the things she said in about two minutes of conversation that proves that I wasn’t: “Okay.”“Absolutely”“Yeah”“Yeah”“Yes, exactly”“Right”“That’s interesting”“Interesting”“Right”“Right”“Sure” Can I start screaming now?
Enough with the little Razr scooters already. You look ridiculous. Honestly, is walking really that hard?
I don’t know how to say this, butI hate you.Harsh but accurate. I hate your endless personal phone callsYour novelty ringtoneYour eternal coughing thatechoes across the empty office space. I find it annoying everyone elsein your group was laid off.But you weren’t. And more than anything I hatethe way that every conversation you haveis just … Read more
(Author’s note: It hardly needs saying that the following applies equally to Uggs.) Occasionally, people try to convince me that wearing plastic gardening clogs out in public isn’t so bad. I kill them, of course. But there are a lot of misguided people in the world and if I tried to go around killing them … Read more