Daisy Bateman

A Hundred Acres of Shadows

(Inspired by a true story. Loosely. With thanks to @bmahersciwriter and Captain Morgan.) The bear lowered his rotund form into the chair and contemplated his guests.“Well, gentlemen, I think you know why I’ve brought you here.”As they protested their ignorance, he slid a stoneware jar across the table and pointed to the label.“Do you know … Read more

I know what you’re thinking. “Did he add six shots or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is straight Indonesian Robusta, the most powerful coffee in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask … Read more

A Bicycle Built for Neptune

In what is being described as a “major blow” to feminist t-shirt makers everywhere, pescatorial behaviorists at the University of Toomuchtimeontheirhands, New Mexico, have determined that fish do, in fact, require bicycles. “To be honest, we’re all a little surprised by these results,” said Dr. Phil Landers, the principle investigator on the project. “The idea … Read more

The New Ghettoization

Did you ever hear about something that you initially took to be a sign of the end of days, but then realized it was actually good news? That’s how I felt when I heard about this Martha Stewart-themed housing development: rising dread and deep fear for what horrors we mortals have wrought, turning into a … Read more