It’s the accessories that make an outfit. These accessories make an outfit stupid. Marc Jacobs gloves, $850 I’m not generally a person who will get all frothing-at-the-mouth-y about wearing fur, but honestly: Some poor animal died so that you could go out in public wearing fuzzy fingerless boxing gloves and that render your hands totally … Read more
Conclusive proof that having only one X-chromosome is not sufficient to prevent a person from dressing like an idiot. DSquared2 Cardigan, $765 Layer under a denim jacket to look both stupid and redundant! Libertine t-shirt, $150 I realize it’s some sort of guy thing to wear items of clothing until long after they have developed … Read more
Arriving soon on a blog near you*: Ugly Clothes For Rich People, Menswear Edition Perhaps you do not think men’s clothing offers enough scope for an entire blog post mocking its excesses. Perhaps you have not yet seen the three-hundred-dollar swim trunks with eyeballs on them. They don’t even go all the way around the … Read more
Surprising Fact: In the time it took me to stop goofing off and write another one of these posts, many of the items I had chosen sold out. Unsurprising Fact: Most of the remaining items have been deeply discounted, making them less hilariously expensive than they were. But I think we can all agree that … Read more
I’ll stop when they do. Preen skirt, $343 “Excuse me, um, I don’t want to embarrass you, but I think you’ve got your skirt caught in your underwear somehow.”“Oh no, it’s supposed to be like that. It’s fashion.”“. . . Oh. Okay.”(Repeat conversation ~12x per day.) John Galliano jacket, $990 It’s a jacket! It’s a … Read more
Summer Edition! See by Chloe shorts, $175 Do you really want to take Cheetos-era Britney as your fashion role model? Rodarte for Opening Ceremony shorts, $764 I’m pretty sure these are lederhosen. I’m entirely sure they’re stupid. Costume National dress, $350 It’s a dress! It’s a bikini! It’s neither! Moschino dress, $1690 If they mated: … Read more
Join me, won’t you, as we descend into the depths of the expensive and hideous. No snorkle required!* Burberry Prorsum coat, $5495 “What do you mean the bottom of the coat got caught in the shredder, and the only material we have on hand is a bath mat? We’re a high-end design house! We can’t. … Read more
Seriously, I can keep doing this forever. Donna Karan jacket, $1557 The Mummy Returns And Opens A Boutique In South Beach Rodarte for Opening Ceremony Cape, $603 Young lady, you take off your Aunt Sybil’s valance right now and apologize to her. That’s no way to be handling a fine window treatment. Anna Sui pants, … Read more
We now continue our ongoing series of “Things You Couldn’t Afford, And That’s Okay”: Thom Browne Pants, $899 Are you an old man? Were you already an old man in 1987? Are you, currently, playing golf? Well, you still shouldn’t be wearing these. Givenchy Shirt, $2500 She is going to hunt down the people who … Read more